Alone In The Database

Who is your real friend?

This really works...! If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?

(another great joke from my Aunt Lois, the Cajun Cracker Snowwoman)

Labels: humor

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know

something, We had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and

it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike

to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk

over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody

else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea

who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a
collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics!

We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little
square! You actually had to use your Imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or
screens, it was just one screen forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster

until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a Little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed

when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change

the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday

Morning. Do you Hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled

little Brats.

And there wasn't CABLE..it was ABC, NBC and CBS..and like 4 VHF channels..and if the President was on your night was SCREWED!!!!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or the oven GOD FORBID ... Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy.
You 're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Regards, The over 30 Crowd

Bush Hates White Rural Americans?


I have family in Iowa so this email actually raised my eyebrows, even though I'm from New Orleans...


Where are all of the Hollywood celebrities holding telethons asking for help in restoring Iowa and helping the folks affected by the floods?

Where is all the media asking the tough questions about why the federal government hasn't solved the problem? Ask where the FEMA trucks (and trailers) are?

Why isn't the Federal Government relocating Iowa people to free hotels in Chicago and handing out free debit cards?

When will Spike Lee say that the Federal Government blew up the levees that failed in Des Moines?

Where are Sean Penn and the Dixie Chicks?

Where are Jesse, Al, and Geraldo?

Where are all the looters stealing high-end tennis shoes and big screen television sets?

When will we hear Governor Chet Culver say that he wants to rebuild a vanilla Iowa, because that's the way God wants it?

Where is the hysterical 24/7 media coverage complete with reports of cannibalism?

Where are the people declaring that George Bush hates white, rural people?


How come in two weeks, you will never hear about the Iowa flooding ever again?

Thankful for Old People :)

My son Carter had to color a turkey in school and fill in 5 things he is thankful for on the tail feathers...

Food, The Beach, Earth, God, and Old People.

His grandparents were very amused :)

The Golden Years

Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing. You're

okay with it, because you get to watch sports and play on the internet

all night. You hear her stumble into bed around four and laugh knowing she's

going to have a monster hangover. You wake up the next morning and

go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night.... You sigh in

relief because it's all in one piece.... You circle the car looking for

dents and find none.... buuuuuuut......................... ............

............. ... Wait a minute....